I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
