call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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