note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
