So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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