Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
