I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
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Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize