hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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