I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
