i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
