You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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