Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
