His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
