They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
