found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Found the puke drawer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
