is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
