Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
