i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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