Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
