Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
