If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
