We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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