you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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