oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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