i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
