u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
