He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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