I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
