So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
