I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
