maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
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These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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