saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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