so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
