You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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