just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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