Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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