oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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