If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
