Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
