Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I AM VODKA MAN
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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