I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
