she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
