weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
