During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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