I don't think brook has ever known best
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
