how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
