Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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