Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
