What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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