I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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