wat bout pragnant strippers??
her vagine was all disorganized.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
