my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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