I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
