ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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