And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize