Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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