I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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