You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
