New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
