Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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