I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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