dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
this is an emotional support booty call
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize