:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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