just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
