there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I deserve this hangover.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
