i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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