I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
