Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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