you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
