This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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