I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
