I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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