I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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