I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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