I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
