Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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