I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize