What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
