I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
