Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
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Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
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