My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
