why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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